Long gone the initiative lust, here lies the empty broken pulse. He is supposed to be strong they say.
“I shouldn’t cry should I?”
Once a fairy twice a tragedy and thrice a misery. She wouldn’t know why he felt that way. In between heaven and hell, “why can’t it be heaven for once”? His unrequited thoughts.
She owns him now. By means of love and law. The two chains that hung around his neck and he only can go far up to the front door. Anything beyond that door is her permission. But he loves her. Right?
Right! “After all I’ve known her all my life. She needs me. All the time. Everyday. So do I, need a drink, with my gang. It’s been so long. But she needs me. After all”
Fairy tales are for women. They say. But every time the story ends with the royal wedding. “Happily ever after!” He never watched fairy tales growing up. But he knows that love is just love. And that women are difficult to understand. For the same reason why prince charming never filmed after marriage happy moments.
Life before Wife. He only can imagine. But what he cannot imagine is why it has to be any different. No man ever understands that. “Wanna bet?”
“Responsibilities,” she said then. Taking all the family load to her shoulders and tripping while trying to maintain the balance. Because “husbands are fully grown children” they say. So he wasn’t allowed to share the load but just “bring money home” was it!
Coming home to the weekend, a cold shower after beating a heavy traffic jam. A warm cup of tea to watch the sunset, just before the night catches up. Talk shit about the day and laugh it off. Such was his idea of happiness.
But he only gets to come home to whining about “family load” and being late. Idea was to feed on “salt and rice” at first. But now she needs a new “closet” to move her party clothes. He wasn’t even going to parties anymore.
“Who told you to take all the load and be mad when things don’t go right?” one day he had to ask. He didn’t want to fight. It was just a question. Because men try to understand things that way. After all, communication is the “key” right?
Right! But she doesn’t wanna talk about it. Because she must be tired of doing all the household work today. She wants some time alone. She said. Locked herself up in the room now. “Should I go and check?” Maybe she needs time like she said. Will be ok by dinner time.
Love is delusional. Empathy can be a headache sometimes. He wouldn’t dare touch another woman when he is having her all for himself. But her insecurity is killing the marriage. “I married you didn’t I?” He always asks. Yet she wants him to avoid “Linda” from accounts. For no reason!
He loves her. She is stubborn but she is real. She cries. He cannot. Society is watching after all.
“It’s eddies birthday today” He wanted to go. Like the old times. To pitch a beer, sing a song, and embrace his soul brothers. But, she wasn’t in the mood. She wants to lay low and have dinner by the fire. He could go through. But the “dinner by the fire” needs at least two people, isn’t it?
Then one day! He chooses himself. To grab a beer with the gang. To release a heavy load of emotions. So that he could keep on doing the same life routine the next day to the next day because he made a vow. “I’m telling you she isn’t the one for you mate,” they say. Life at the edge. He sees the light, the night, the beauty of life. But when he sees the moon, he knows he has to go home now. To her.
He was one hell of a strong man. But he has to cry. And she has to make sure that he cries on her own shoulders. Every strong man needs a loud cry. It’s just that she needs to dominate him less and embrace him more.
Life as a fairy-tale work only up until marriage. She needs to understand the harder way to approach life after that and he needs to beat off the society that is looking out for “men who dare to cry”
That’s a man’s quest. A man deserves to show emotions just like a woman does.
“The feeling of embracing a cancer stick in between shaking fingers at 3 am while choking for air trying to hold it all in” is a feeling of death and nobody deserves to be in such pain alone in this world.