“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
Yes, you read that correctly!
As someone who has struggled in finding love or being in love or trying to find what love is, I gave up the idea of looking for it a long time back. The question was what the hell is LOVE and where does it come from? If it does come from your heart how does it end so soon? And why does it end sooner for one person and why doesn’t it end for the other person so that they both can move on but why only one has to suffer?
I personally oppose marriage and due to personal reasons. I mean we have our own reasons aren’t we. Anyway, marriage is not something you HAVE to oppose in life. If you find someone who is worth sharing your commode for the rest of your life, fine then go for it.
But, how do you know if he is the right one?
For the LADIES who complain all the time that “all men are dogs” or “men ain’t sh*t”. First of all, I am offended by this because “all men” include fathers, grandfathers, brothers, and sons.
Men ain’t really sh*t. They only just refuse to grow up. You see, for them, everything in life is naturally simple. They are born with an ease of mind. They are brought up with natural freedom and stress-free lifestyle.
“Have a wedding” no problem, PANTS! “Got a job” no problem, PANTS! “Going to a party” no problem, PANTS! “Funeral” no problem PANTS! “Temple” no problem PANTS! “Beach” no problem short PANTS!
Since they are born and brought up, they experience the ultimate freedom of life. They are allowed to go anywhere at any time of the day. School trips, field trips, road trips, trips to the outer space no problem come home and mamma will cook food no matter what. They are allowed to sleep 12 plus hours a day and mamma will make apple juice when they wake up. Even at midnight the following day.
For us ladies, it’s different. Because there was news of a girl being kidnapped in Afghanistan so you can’t go out today or for the rest of your life until you get married and have your own husband to take the blame. Great! “What if I learn karate?” Still no because you can’t go to karate class alone you’ll be kidnapped on your way home before you learn anything. So we stay home all excited, “can’t wait to get married and be free ugh!”
Boys live a different life and we girls live a different life until we are 25 and ready for marriage or a relationship.
But, nothing changes after marriage. Or getting into a relationship will not change the long-lived habits of life. 25 years is not a small-time.
If you stop complaining about men being stupid and rude and try to think it this way, I promise that your life will be changed to better ways.
Men, aren’t trash it is us who make them behave that way!
You see, after living a good 25 years of freedom, doing whatever they want and never even getting the feeling of being tied down, naturally they tend to fly away. You cannot tie them down to understand that first. The more you try to control the being the more they scare away because it is something new to their lifestyle.
We were women, “can’t wait to get married to be free”, try to marry the first man that we start up a relationship and on the second day of the meeting we have already decided the names of our twins. So now since we already have names of our kids and dogs figured out, we try to push them in to marring us and make their lives miserable. It is natural for us to feel that “if he runs away with another woman while I’m planning my wedding here my life is over!” No, it’s not. And he will only run away if you push him to the limits of giving up his freedom and being forced to live a life that is uneasy for him.
First of all, men ain’t our rescuers. They cannot give us freedom from our own imagined prisons. It is only an excuse our parents give us so that we behave until we get a good husband. We need to free our own selves and understand the natural way of life for both species.
When a fully grown male Sapien matures and needs a female to mate, they don’t tend to think of marriage at first. Because they already have a good and easy life with freedom everywhere. The thought of being tied scares them away. They no longer feel free when the thought is disturbing them and we women make it so obvious that they start doing drugs after sometimes. Just saying. But…
There comes a time for men to need a relationship. Or finding someone to share life with. At this point, of course, he only thinks of sex and being taken care of as “the sharing life” part. And also good looks make them shake a bit it’s only natural. Take it as a part of their exploration process and wait until they find out that all women have vaginas but all women don’t have the same brains.
If you want your man to stay, if you think you can share life with this man, then build your man!
Help him see the world as he wants. Be by his side when he falls. Forgive his small mistakes and try to give him his space to figure out that it was a mistake. They are exploring life just as we are. There is no ready-made perfect boyfriend to be bought from a shop. They all have either lost in life and broken or won in life and figuring out what’s next. Build your man. Be his strength. Be his peace so that he feels to come home when he needs peace, not the pub or the night club.
Let him wear his pants with dignity. Don’t try to take away his manhood by pulling his pants and trying to lock him down from the life he has lived all this time. Don’t let him down in front of his friends being the crazy cranky bitch you are.
Let him road trip his curiosity and wander until he knows what he wants in life. If he figures it out and if he wants to settle down with you he will come back. And if he wants to keep wandering and learn more of life let him go because you cannot make him settle for something he doesn’t want no matter how beautiful you are or how much money you and your parents have. Instead, find someone who wants to settle down and have kids.
When you build a man, giving him his peace and freedom, befriend him and get to know his desires, goals, life plans, and curiosities and his favorite superhero, that’s where the magic happens. Help him with his plans without expecting to share the profit. Feed his curiosities and desires and make him see there is no difference. The only difference then will be the level of maturity to live life. Be his favorite superhero by being his mental peace.
Let him play his video game in peace and instead of staring at him until he finishes, go make some snacks or join in as another player. Let him celebrate his hard-worked days with his office people without having to worry about being single again the next day. Keep the jealousy out as much as possible. Don’t make him feel like he is being tied to an atom bomb when talking to another woman. Because if you do it right, he won’t need another woman.
By the time you both know each other so well, the ups and downs you had to go through to come to this phase and how you never gave up on each other. There comes a time where you no longer care about the looks of each other. There comes the time that he wants to make up for ignoring your calls when you first started out. There comes the time when he feels grateful for you for not leaving him for his stupid mistakes. And there comes the time where he realizes that you won’t try to change him nor touch his peace but be his strength and the love of his life.
Because he found a friend in you, that can listen to his favorite car and how amazing it is without trying to change the topic. He found a friend in you that can beat him up in his video game. He found a friend in you that can share a beer and not having to worry about him wanting to drink be a secret. And he found a friend in you that he can take anywhere with him because he knows a true friend never says no to life adventures.
With all that going smooth, next is he found a woman in you who gave him his freedom just like his mother did since he was born. A woman who makes lime juice for a hangover. A woman whom he can lean on when the times get rough.
BECAUSE as I said at first, men are born free and want to live an easy life. So if you crack the cord, he only needs someone to share life with and that life, he needs his peace. And when he finally matures enough to understand that a woman like this is hard to find, he will take care of you.
He will take care of you.
“You are his peace and he will take care of his peace no matter what happens in the world around you”