I was battling a storm. Broke, broken and lifeless. I was 3 months due on rent ($1000/month), a job that couldn’t afford to pay the salary they offered, for three months. No savings left, couldn’t afford good food, or any food for that matters. Red bills all over the house, threatening to cut the water supply, current, and gas. and a pet who only eats whiskers.
In a foreign country, no choice, no option. I was suicidal, depressed to the core. Crying every day to sleep out of hunger and scared that the cat food will run out anytime now. I couldn’t bear to see her starve nor give her away. It was heartbreaking, and I was clueless.
I was battling the life of adulthood, all alone and suicidal feelings entering every five minutes. I never thought id make it out of that phase alive. But there was this tiny little voice inside my head telling me that “everything is gonna be OK”
Depression is blind, painful and most importantly it takes away “you” before you even know. Once you are out of it only you realize how blind have I been. It’s scary and suicidal. You never know how much courage it gives you to give up and end things so that the pain would go away. And that feeling is too powerful that you will never know until you kill yourself or hurt yourself.
But, as they say “once the storm is over, you are not the same person who walked in”
Exactly after a year of NOT GIVING UP and managing to keep the smile so that nobody would notice my downfall, I’m here,
sitting in front of my PC writing this, while sipping coffee, it’s raining. I have people to make me a coffee at the office now, a new post that I’m proud to hold and debt-free. Rent paid upfront and nice clean bills no longer red. My girl eating the best of best cat food and world best pet shampoo and conditioner to the bath. Yup, she has conditioner too now. Brand new feeder, and toys all around the house.
I’m healthy, I’m independent and most importantly I’m HAPPY.
I worked hard, I cried to bed every night but I got up every morning and struggled. I found a new job for a small salary for a start and brought results to the company while struggling with depression in real life and they recognized me and my struggle and never gave up on me. I’m forever grateful for the people who were there, seeing me breaking down and crawling but managed to keep me alive.
I’m here today very relaxed and planning my next big vacation in the coming November and I have never wanted to be in a better place than this, in life. I’m HAPPY!
Sometimes you never know what phase people are going through right now. You will never know or you will know but there is nothing you could do except be there and talk. Every day is a struggle, a game, a race that we never created or want to take part in. But whats created is created and we have no choice now. We only can play along to the extent we can and try to have what we can afford.
There’s no point in running this race just to die in the end. Instead, live every day and take care of your self. You never know when a storm will break. You never know life can hit rock bottom even if you have everything right now. Be good to live and live every day until you are ready to leave to be stardust.